I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
