How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize