they need to just BURY HIM!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
