I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
