With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
