She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
