4 words: hood of his car
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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