upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
