OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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