My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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