definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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