her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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