Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
