Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
