I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
stop calling my apartment porn island.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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