Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
