sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
