He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
