I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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