Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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