i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We're too hungover to prance.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
