just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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