I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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