He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize