His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize