I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
