Umm I'm too high to move.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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