Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
