I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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