I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
