We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
