im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
