Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
