hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
