I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
two words...techno handjob
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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