tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
