Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
