I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
