You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im on a boat
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