Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
