Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
