from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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