i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
