No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
