my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
