And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
