you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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