I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
operation have a gay friend backfired
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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