I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
