I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
