Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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