Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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