He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
