Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
