Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
