eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
