tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
