Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
