And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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