Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
