My underwear smells like fireworks.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
