consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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