Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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