nut hugger
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
