im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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