i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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