my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and she was petting her beer can
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Rumble strips road head = magical
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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