Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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