We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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