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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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