i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
