sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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