I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
