NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
